Merlin Season 6, Episode 2 - Morgana
by lossofmerlin
Summary: This is the second 'episode' of season 6. Arthur tries to come to terms with the fact that Merlin has magic. Morgana returns to Camelot which unnerves Merlin more than he could have imagined, and ends up setting a dire chain of events into action. This is a stand alone story or it can be read in conjunction with other 'episodes.'


**Merlin Season 6, Episode 2**

 **Morgana**

"Merlin, wait up," Arthur called out as he entered the hallway.

"Why so you can tell me how ridiculous I am being?"

Arthur shook his head. "No, so I can come to help. You have always been there by my side. Let me do the same for you." Merlin nodded. The two walked along the corridor silently. Merlin was contemplating how he was even going to find Kilgharrah. He was already starting to doubt if this was a good idea. It wasn't helping how surreal it felt, to have Arthur following him for a change. Merlin stopped walking. "Is this stupid?" He looked at Arthur who wore a thoughtful expression.

"You tell me. I trust you more than anyone."

Merlin was taken aback. "You do?" The memories of the past twenty four hours were not on the forefront of his mind. He had just never known Arthur to feel that way about him. But soon the recent memories made an appearance, as well. "Wait, I thought you said you _didn't_ trust me anymore?"

Arthur scowled. "Yes, Merlin, I know what I said."

Merlin gave a roll of his eyes. "So which is it?"

"Are we going after this dragon or what? Do you know where it might be?"

Merlin shook his head no. "I know for some reason he is unable to come when I call him. I was thinking maybe if I commanded him to tell me where he was… perhaps he could answer with his mind. Then we could go help him."

"What do you mean by that _'answer with his mind'_?"

Merlin wondered if the odd feeling of discussing such things with Arthur would ever wear off. "It's an _ability_ of those with magic."

"That's… impressive." Merlin could tell by Arthur's dry tone that he was feeling left out. Then something suddenly occurred to Arthur. "Can you read my thoughts?" He asked.

"No. And it doesn't really work that way. It's more like talking, just with your mind. It's the same way you give hand gestures to your knights and yet they understand exactly what you have ' _said_.'"

"Oh," Arthur said, feeling fully adequate again.

"Wait," Merlin said as an afterthought. "Aithusa said it caused Kilgharrah pain not to obey my commands. I don't want to cause him pain if he isn't able to answer."

"That's it," Arthur announced in frustration. "With all your knowledge of magic and enchantments you obviously still need me around to tell you what to do. I know the lands where my father found the last great dragon. We will look there first."

The Adventures of

MERLIN...

The sun had already risen so Arthur insisted that they ride out immediately, despite their obvious need for rest. Arthur, Merlin and Percival rode out just as soon as they had gathered provisions. They rode to the place Arthur had in mind but Kilgharrah was nowhere to be found.

"What now," Merlin asked Arthur.

 _Merlin!_ It was Aithusa's voice. _Before you say or do anything I need you to come to me. There is something you must see._

Merlin was tempted to command Aithusa to come to him. But something about the young dragon's voice caused Merlin to hesitate. _Where are you_ , he sent out.

 _Very close. Don't you recognize where you are near? The Cauldron of Arianrhod._

Merlin remembered. It was where they had taken Gwen for healing from the evil that Morgana had seeped into her heart with the Teine Diaga ritual.

"Arthur! I know where we must go. The Cauldron of Arianrhod." Merlin spoke with such confidence and authority that Arthur didn't question it, but looked at him with a sort of puzzled awe. Merlin felt uncomfortable with such a look after so many years of being thought of as a nobody. But he told himself he had better get used to it. He was hardly known as a nobody now! It was clear that Arthur had begun to see that.

"Aithusa told me," Merlin couldn't help but add a modest explanation.

"Then it could be a trap!"

When would Merlin ever learn to keep his big mouth shut? "I know. But it feels like he is sincere."

Arthur pondered for a few moments. "Alright. Let's go."

They reached their destination within the hour. As it came into view they were able to clearly see two distinct things that caused them to reach for a sword or, in Merlin's case, bring forth a protection spell to mind. Aithusa was there, and beside him lay Morgana.

"I knew it!" Arthur exclaimed as he rode out.

"Wait!" Aithusa roared when Arthur approached. When Arthur did not stop he blew fire outwards causing Arthur to veer off course. "Do not harm her!" The dragon commanded.

Suddenly Merlin understood. "Arthur, wait! Don't hurt them!" Merlin jumped from his horse and started running towards them. When Aithusa could see that Merlin was on his side he focused his attention back to Morgana. He nudged her gently with his maw. She stirred. She finally opened her eyes and scampered backwards a few paces on the ground when she saw who was gathered around her. She seemed to relax when she saw Aithusa.

"Morgana," he spoke to her. "Do you know where we are?"

She seemed to take in her surroundings then. Eventually she nodded.

"I want you to come with me now, into the waters. Please, it is time to let your hatred go."

"I have not had my mind altered," Morgana spat out.

"Then you have nothing to fear," Aithusa replied.

Morgana stood on shaky legs. She shot an angry glance at the armed knights. She had a feeling what might happen to her if she didn't comply. But she had to admit that she was also curious if she would feel differently afterwards. She turned purposefully towards the water and walked beside Aithusa.

Merlin and Arthur had seen this once before with Guinevere. Merlin called forth the spell that would bring forth the White Goddess. White light surrounded Morgana. Arthur gaped at Merlin as understanding of the past crept over him. "Were _you_ the old hag," he asked in astonishment.

"Shhh!" Merlin replied.

Arthur focused his attention back to the event that was unfolding. He felt drawn to enter the waters beside his sister. "Morgana," he asked when he had reached her side. She was facing away from him. When she turned he could see the tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry," she said simply.

Arthur stared at the woman who had caused so much pain. He couldn't deny that he still loved her. Even as he had watched Merlin end her life many months ago, he had felt sadness, before he had felt relief that peace had come at last. Now she stood before him, healed of her evil. He couldn't put into words the joy that brought him. He pulled her into a hug. "Oh Morgana."

Back on shore Merlin was overjoyed as well. But when they finally started to approach he found he could not look directly at Morgana. He busied himself with his horse. Morgana walked over to him. "I see you are not as quick to forgive as my brother," she spoke.

Merlin faced her then. "No!" He stared into her face. It was filled with such remorse and beauty that it brought tears to his eyes. He had wanted to say more but now found he was unable.

"I will make it up to you one day," she promised. She started to walk away.

"Wait." Merlin knew he must say more but still found it difficult. "It is I who should apologize. Everything was my fault. I know I hurt you. I am sorry."

"It's OK." Morgana went in for a hug. Merlin awkwardly wrapped his arms around her back. He felt tense all over.

They all returned to the castle in high spirits despite their tired brains. Merlin couldn't wait to tell Gaius all that had happened! The old physician was probably worried yet again since Merlin had ran out without any explanation... _again_. Merlin bid his friends goodbye and entered Gaius' chambers. _His_ chambers again now too, he reminded himself. Gaius wasn't in.

Merlin retired to his bedroom and immediately flopped onto his old mattress. His mind started racing, the same as every night. He wondered what was in store for him next? Would he return to his responsibilities as Arthur's servant? Surely his talents could be made better use of now? But then would Arthur get himself a _new_ servant? Merlin scowled at that notion. As if any other could put up with what a pain Arthur could be.

Merlin supposed he probably didn't have a say in what would happen, either way, so he shouldn't waste too much time thinking on it.

He decided to focus his thoughts on much more riveting topics, such as Morgana. She was back! And she was back to _normal_. Merlin couldn't deny how excited that made him. He had always felt mostly to blame for what had become of Morgana. Now he would have a second chance with her, as well as with Arthur. He would have to make things better with Gaius, also. Merlin had been so distant ever since Arthur's death. But he would make it up to Gaius! A wonderful idea sprang to Merlin's mind. Alice, the woman that Gaius loved, could finally return to Camelot. She had been sentenced to death for using magic. But surely now she could receive a pardon. He would put that first on his to-do list, to discuss the matter with Arthur. Just wait till he told Gaius! Or should he make it a surprise? Where was Gaius at this time of night anyway? As if on cue he heard the old man enter the front door. Merlin decided sleep could wait. He hopped out of bed and pulled open his bedroom door.

"Arthur," he said, the disappointment clear on his voice. "It's just you."

Arthur didn't give any quick remarks. He looked crest fallen.

"What's wrong?" Fear crept down Merlin's spine when he noticed tears glistening around Arthur's eyes.

"It's Gaius."

Merlin understood at once what Arthur was trying to say, yet his brain argued that there was no way that could be true. "No," he said with conviction. "No way!"

"Merlin…"

Merlin held up a hand towards Arthur and shook his head. "Gaius is _fine_. I saw him this morning."

Arthur wasn't sure what else to say. He stood fixed in place and hoped his presence would offer some comfort.

"Where is he?"

Arthur hesitated. He wasn't sure if seeing Gaius would help at the moment or not. Merlin hardened his face and strode past Arthur. Arthur turned and grabbed hold of Merlin's shoulder as he passed and swiftly turned Merlin back towards him. Merlin tried to shake him off but Arthur held firm. Arthur looked at Merlin's face but Merlin averted his gaze. "It will be alright," Arthur said gentle but firm.

Merlin shook his head in denial. Tears welled in his eyes. "No," he repeated again.

Arthur pulled him into a hug and gave him a couple of claps to the back. Merlin didn't return the hug. He felt frozen. All except for his eyes which kept threatening to spill over with tears.

Arthur pulled away to look at Merlin again. He had both hands on his shoulders now. "Hey," he tried to get Merlin to look at him. He gave him a little shake. "Merlin." Merlin finally met his gaze. "It's going to be alright." Arthur searched his friend's face for signs that he would survive this. Merlin nodded. "Are you sure you want to see him?" Another nod. Arthur put his arm around Merlin's shoulder and guided him towards the door.

As they walked across the room Merlin looked at all of Gaius' life's work strew about in various places. He couldn't help but think what a waste it all was now. How could Gaius be gone when there was still so much Merlin needed to learn from him? Arthur dropped his arm from Merlin's shoulder to push open the door. "You OK?" He asked as he held it open. Merlin nodded once more and walked out.

Everything felt surreal as they turned and walked through corridors until finally coming to stand in front of a guest chamber.

"Why is he in here," Merlin asked.

Arthur cleared his throat. "A servant said he was feeling faint so she helped him into a guest bed. She said it happened fast. There was very little pain."

Merlin's features contorted with pain. It should have been me with him," he said through clenched jaw.

Arthur pushed open the door. Gaius lay on the bed. He looked so peaceful.

Tears streamed freely down Merlin's face as he went to stand by his side. Desperation crept into him. "Maybe I can fix this!" Before Arthur could even respond Merlin began using magic. He put a hand on Gaius' chest and tried every healing spell that he knew. "Gaius come on," he pleaded. "You can't leave me. I need you." Merlin started sobbing.

Arthur cleared his throat again. He was still standing just inside the doorway. "The servant said that Gaius' last words were to tell Merlin and Arthur and Guinevere that he couldn't be more proud. And that he loves us."

Merlin nodded his head and wiped at his eyes. "I don't know what I will do without him."

Arthur tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. "You still have me and Gwen," he said.

Merlin forced out a smile. "I thought you hated me," he attempted to be humorous but his voice fell flat.

"Well that's because you're an idiot," Arthur said in a lighthearted tone. Merlin gave another weak smile.

Arthur walked over to stand beside him. "I'm an idiot too, you know," he said sincerely.

Merlin gave a small laugh. "Yeah... I know."

Arthur put an arm around his friend's shoulder. They stood there like that, staring down at Gaius for a while.

Both men turned at a soft knock on the door. It was Gwen. "I just wanted to see if you needed anything," she asked softly.

Arthur held out his arm to her and she gratefully went to his side and leaned into him for comfort. They all turned back to look at Gaius. Arthur put his arm back around Merlin's shoulder with his other arm around Guinevere as they all said their goodbyes.

"He was a good man," Gwen said.

"He will be missed," Arthur added, his voice thick with emotion.

Merlin remained silent. It felt miserable knowing that Gaius was gone and that he had never even gotten to say goodbye. But standing with his friends at least he knew he wasn't alone.

After a time the three decided to get some much needed rest. Merlin went to his room in the royal chambers. He couldn't bear to return to Gaius' quarters just yet.

Arthur and Guinevere returned to their room. Gwen closed the door behind them and gave a sigh of exhaustion. Arthur walked slowly to their bed and lowered himself down to sit on the mattress.

"What a day," Gwen said. She climbed onto the bed to sit behind her husband. She wrapped her arms around him for a few moments. Then she rubbed his shoulders to ease the tension she could feel in his whole body.

"Merlin has magic." Arthur said it just to be saying it. He assumed his wife already knew.

"Yes I know," she said with a smile.

"Well I feel like a fool because I _didn't_ know. For all these years. How could that be?"

"Does it really matter now?"

Arthur frowned. "I suppose it doesn't. But I don't know what will happen now."

"What do you mean," Gwen asked.

"Merlin. He is this all-powerful wizard. He can't very well go back to folding my clothes, cleaning my armor."

"I don't see why not. He is the same person. You just know a little bit more about him now."

Arthur shook out from under her hands to stand and face her. "This isn't a little thing though! It's _huge_!"

"I know it must feel that way now. I have an idea, why don't the two of you go on an outing together? You could encourage him to use his magic openly and then maybe it wouldn't feel as strange to either of you." She got off the bed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "What do you think?"

Arthur looked upon his wife with love and pride. How had he ended up lucky enough to have this woman's heart? "I think… that I love you." They smiled at each other as Arthur leaned in for a kiss.

Merlin hadn't been sure if he would be able to sleep after all that had happened. But sleep came upon him fast. He awoke to his name being called out, _Emrys!_ It had been Morgana's voice inside of his head. He sat up. _Morgana?_ He sent out with his mind.

 _Sorry if I woke you. I couldn't sleep. I just wanted you to know that the Cauldron didn't work. I had never been brainwashed in the first place so how could it?_

Merlin felt his chest constrict with dread. What was she saying? Should he warn Arthur? He hurried out of bed and his room. He started down the hall. Morgana's room was just up ahead. He would check there first, though he doubted the traitor would be anything but long gone by now. He didn't bother knocking. He just slowly eased open the door. There was a single candle flickering by the window. Morgana lay in her bed.

"Have you come to kill me, _again_?"

The sadness on her face and in her tone confused Merlin. He had expected something different. "Morgana…" he began. He wasn't sure what to say. "What did you mean by 'it didn't work'?"

"I think you know or you wouldn't be here."

Merlin stared at her. He tried to discern what was happening.

"I suppose it did do something. For a few minutes it made me feel happy. It took away my hatred. Long enough for me to see myself clearly. To see what I had allowed myself to become. But it didn't free my mind of some mystical sickness because my sister had never manipulated me. She didn't _have_ to. You and Uther hurt me enough all by yourselves! I needed no further prompting. That pain still remains. I will just choose to control it from now on. I can see clearly now how much my brother loves me. I know why he was in the right to fight against me in the past."

Merlin gave a step towards her. "And me? Do you understand why I have fought against you?"

"You _killed_ me. More times than I care to think of. I am disposable to you. There was once a time when I thought we were friends."

"You were killing _everyone_!"

Morgana got out of bed and marched up to stand in front of Merlin. "But I didn't know that! I had no idea what was happening! And you didn't even _try_ to find another way!" They were both instinctively referring to the most pivotal time in their relationship when he had poisoned her.

"I thought you did know what you were doing." But deep down Merlin knew that was a lie. He had thought as much at first but he could still remember when he had realized she was just an innocent pawn. Yet he continued with the only way he knew to save Camelot. "I didn't know what else to do," he admitted helplessly.

"Would you have sacrificed Arthur so easily?"

"Morgana… it wasn't _easy_! It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Besides if we had discovered that it was being caused by him, I wouldn't have had to do anything. He would have sacrificed himself!"

"I know."

Morgana looked so pain stricken to Merlin. He hoped he had not gone too far with his words. "I am _so_ sorry."

Morgana looked down at the ground and gave a small nod.

Merlin reached out and rubbed her shoulder. She looked back up at him with wide eyes, amazed that he would be trying to comfort her. Merlin felt transfixed by those eyes. His hand moved up to her neck, where his fingers toyed with the locks of her hair. His hand moved further still to rest on her cheek. His thumb gently caressed the smooth pale skin. He leaned in close so that his lips could meet hers. Their lips touched. It was like a chemical reaction. Morgana kissed him back. They wrapped their arms around each other. Merlin's head was spinning. He had never felt anything like this before. Not with Freya. Not with Gwen. It scared him. He didn't want to stop. But he knew they should. They had both been overly emotional. He was taking advantage to be like this with Morgana right now. It took him a lot of willpower but he finally disengaged from her. He stood before her, breathing heavily. He could feel his heart threatening to beat its way right out of his chest. Morgana looked dazed at first. Then her expression turned to sadness.

"You should go," she told him.

Merlin couldn't move. He didn't know what was happening. He didn't want her mad at him. _Or_ sad. More than anything he just wanted to be kissing her again. At last he nodded to show he understood what she had said and that he would agree. But still he didn't move. "I'm sorry," he said at last.

"I don't need your pity _Emrys_."

Merlin was starting to panic. "I don't know what's happening right now! Morgana…" What could he say? He let out a deep breath. "Please don't hate me."

Morgana just looked at him with those big sad eyes.

Not knowing what else he could do or say Merlin simply said goodnight and left.

Once outside her closed door he let out another deep breath. He felt like his whole world had just been turned upside down. How could he have feelings for Morgana? She had just admitted that she still felt the same as she had for all these years. Well, sort of. She was a murderer. She could turn on them at any moment. Merlin tried to push such rational thoughts into his head. But he found it hard to believe anything bad about her. She had looked so sad. It had felt so good to hold her. He suddenly felt guilty for having feelings for someone other than Freya. He had loved Freya so much. He would always love her. With Freya he had felt like he could fly! She made him so happy. He had wanted to run off with her, forget everything else and live their lives together. That was how much he had loved her. He knew she had felt the same.

This new feeling for Morgana was much different. He didn't feel like being crazy with her and forsaking everything. He felt… cautious. Like he wasn't sure of himself, what he should do or what he should say. He felt scared. Scared of his own feelings, scared to lose her. He felt a desire stronger than he had ever known to be back inside of her room, wrapped back in her arms. He wondered why it had never felt this way with Freya? He had always been jumping out of his skin with restlessness to see her again. He was always so happy just to be in her presence. But he had never had such a burning desire to be touching her. Perhaps it was because they had only kissed a few times, and _never_ like he just had with Morgana! Yet he couldn't say he loved Morgana. As a friend, yes. But as of now he only knew he _liked_ her, _very_ much. _Too_ much. Merlin walked miserably back to his room. The rest of the night he got very little sleep.

Merlin awoke to Arthur shaking him awake. "Get up you lazy excuse for a servant."

Merlin rolled over and tried to ignore Arthur in hopes that he would leave.

"Come on, you have been cooped up in your room for almost a week now. I was thinking we could go riding today? Get out of the castle. It's a beautiful day!"

Merlin opened his eyes and looked up at Arthur. "What time is it?"

"Time for you to get up."

Merlin could see an unusual hint of sadness behind Arthur's normal demeanor. He could tell that Arthur was really trying to reconnect. "Fine. I'm awake."

"Good. Now hurry up, we don't want to keep the ladies waiting."

Merlin rubbed at his eyes. "Ladies?"

"Morgana found out that I wanted to go riding and insisted that she and Gwen tag along."

Merlin wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He had been avoiding her as much as possible all week, ever since they had kissed. A part of him really wanted to see her. But another part was terrified at the thought. He tried to determine why she would have wanted to tag along. Did she want to spend time with him? Was she just bored? How would she act around him? Merlin was brought out of his thoughts as one of his pillows slammed into his head.

"Are you sure you're awake?" Arthur asked impatiently.

Merlin gave him a fowl look.

"That's better. Now hurry up." Arthur left Merlin alone to get ready.

The four friends stood in the courtyard and readied their horses. Gwen looked pleased. Merlin was still devastated over Gaius and the events with Morgana were also weighing heavy on his mind but he tried to appear his normal chipper self so that nothing would seem amiss. Morgana seemed as though nothing unusual had ever happened. Arthur was a bit off, but Merlin knew it was better than he could have expected. They rode off to a familiar clearing where they decided to stop and have a picnic.

Merlin busied himself with setting everything up. For the first time in his life he felt strange to be serving Arthur. It was because he could sense Morgana's eyes on him. He had the impulse to tell Arthur to set everything up by himself. He suddenly felt lesser of a man and he didn't like that. Especially with Morgana watching. He fought the urge to explain to her about his destiny to serve Arthur, and how that was a _great privilege_. He risked a quick glance at her fearing he would see pity or disdain in her eyes, but all he saw was surprise that he had caught her watching him. Her cheeks flushed a little and she looked away in embarrassment. This sent a little thrill through Merlin. Perhaps she liked him too? Suddenly his confidence grew. When he handed a plate to her he made sure to look into her eyes and smile.

"Thank you Merlin." There was no mistaking the shyness in her voice. His insides gave a jump for joy.

Once they all started to eat, Arthur said something that made Merlin choke. "So Merlin… I was wondering if you could show me some of your magic?"

Merlin looked to Arthur. He could tell Arthur was uncomfortable about asking. He glanced at Gwen who was smiling encouragingly. Ah, so she had put him up to it. "I guess so," Merlin replied. He glanced nervously towards Morgana. She was studying her apple. "What would you have me do sire?"

Arthur chewed his dried meat. He waved a hand dismissively. "Anything."

Merlin frowned at Gwen. Why did she have to put him on the spot like this? She just grinned back at him which only irritated him further. Merlin wracked his brain as to what would be an acceptable display. A fun idea popped into his mind. He quickly held up his hand, uttered a few short words of magic and just as Arthur was about to take another bite, his meat went flying from his hand onto his plate.

"Hey!"

Merlin couldn't help but grin. "You said anything."

"We could have a battle," Morgana suggested.

Merlin cast a worried look in her direction.

Arthur clapped his hands together at the idea. "That sounds like fun!"

Merlin didn't look like he thought it would be ' _fun_ ' which only made Arthur want it to happen all the more. The sorcerers stood and walked a little ways from the others.

"Don't look so glum Merlin, aren't you supposed to be the most powerful warlock ever to walk the earth?" Morgana teased.

"You know I am." Merlin couldn't help but smile. Her smile was infectious.

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"I wouldn't want to hurt you," he teased back.

Morgana uttered some words and shot a blast of ice in his direction. He would normally throw up a shield in this situation. But another idea sprang to mind. As the magic flowed through him he manipulated the ice to flow to the side of him and then in a circular shape around them both. A moving wall of ice surrounded them. Merlin didn't even realize what he was doing as he forced the ice to flow closer to their bodies, forcing them to move closer towards each other to escape its icy touch. When they were so close they were almost touching Merlin finally realized what he was doing. He knew he had to think of a reason for bringing the two of them into such close quarters. He knew Arthur and Gwen must be watching from the picnic spot. He grabbed hold of Morgana and yanked her around and against him at the same time he melted all the ice. He held her wrists firmly behind her back with one hand while his other hand had a flame growing from it, which he held in a threatening manner near her face. He looked at the others to make sure they could see that it was clear who had won this battle.

Morgana grinned. She kicked his legs out from under him at the same time pushing backwards so that they both landed on their backs. She uttered words of magic as they fell so that water would spring forth under them and lessen their impact with the ground. When Merlin's hand hit the water the flame sputtered out. Morgana used his being caught off guard to twist out of the hold he hand on her wrists. She then maneuvered on top of him and pinned his arms above his head and then caused the water beneath them to form ice around his wrists, which permanently pinned him to the spot. He might have melted the ice or done any number of other things but he found it difficult to concentrate with Morgana sitting on top him. Thankfully she hopped off and he watched her take a bow to Arthur and Gwen. Merlin let his head flop backwards into the water.

Arthur started clapping. "Well done sister!"

At last Merlin made the ice melt and then sent the water into the ground. He stood up, dripping wet. "She… cheated." He said by only way of defending his pride.

Arthur came over and clapped him on the back. "Don't be a sore sport Merlin!"

Gwen walked over to join them. She reached out and took Arthur's hand. "Walk with me?" she asked him.

"Will you two be all right? You won't kill each other while we are gone," Arthur asked in jest.

Merlin gave a shy smile and a nervous laugh. Morgana gave an aloof shrug.

"They'll be fine," Arthur said to Gwen as they walked off holding hands.

"Well, I think I will start cleaning up," Merlin said to fill the empty air.

"Let me help you," Morgana offered.

As they worked, Merlin kept sneaking glances at Morgana. Soon his curiosity won out over his shyness. "So about _that night_." As soon as he spoke he realized it might sound like he was referring to the kiss. "Not about… I meant about what you said about nothing being different, inside of you. Does that mean that a part of you still hates Arthur and wants him dead?"

"There was a time you wanted me dead. In fact there were several times that you made it so."

Merlin swallowed hard.

"My hatred and anger had always stopped me from seeing things clearly. I see myself clearly now. And Arthur too. I know he is a good man, a good king. It is hard to hate someone when you have such knowledge. If anything, I now hate myself. But I know I must forgive myself and move forward."

"And what about me? Do you think you will forgive me… for everything?" Merlin added the last part in case she was holding their kiss against him at this point too.

"We have both wronged each other. If you can find it in your heart… if you can forgive me, then I see no reason why I can't try to do the same."

Merlin smiled his relief. "Oh good!"

"That was some fancy magic you did back there."

Merlin's ears felt hot. There were suddenly a dozen things he wanted to ask her! How did she feel about him, being the most prominent one. But he asked nothing. He finished up his work in silence.

Gwen and Arthur walked a short way from the picnic site. "How do you think things went," Arthur asked.

"Good. How do you feel?"

"You know, you are always right Guinevere. I feel great! It was actually pretty entertaining to watch them use their magic. I can see why it could be a danger. But it could also be a great asset. You saw Merlin that night at Camlann! He was amazing. It was thanks to him that we won that war. He is so powerful and yet he has never sought any reward or any credit. I am truly blessed to have him as my friend. _Don't_ tell him that," he added as an afterthought.

Gwen smiled. "Your secret is safe with me."

When they returned to the others they saw that everything was all packed up and ready to go. "Right," Arthur said. "Well I suppose we should be heading back."

 _Ever notice how my brother tends to state the obvious?_ Morgana's voice teased in Merlin's head. He started to laugh.

"What is so funny," Arthur asked him.

 _You've done it now! He's wearing his face that means he is either confused or he needs to go take a break in the forest._

Merlin started laughing so hard. _Stop it, please,_ He sent out between breaths.

 _Spoil sport._ Morgana stuck her tongue out at Merlin. "Don't mind Merlin," she said aloud. "You know how odd he can be."

Arthur nodded that he agreed with the statement. "That is true. But knock it off Merlin."

Merlin had stopped laughing along with listening ever since Morgana had stuck out her tongue at him. Something in that small act drew him to focus on her lips, which made him remember what it felt like to kiss her.

"Merlin! Are you listening?"

"What? Yeah."

Arthur shook his head in irritation. "I don't get it. How it is that _you_ have all this power?"

Merlin grinned and shrugged.

 _If he only knew how you used to make me tremble in terror._

 _Not anymore?_ Merlin asked her.

 _No longer in_ terror _._

Merlin's breath caught. The voice she had just used… it was like she was implying she trembled for him in another way. He was no expert on the subject, but in the past week if he had to label how he had been feeling about her, then ' _tremble'_ might be one of the words he would use. Did that mean she had been feeling the same?

"Why do you keep staring at Morgana like that," Arthur demanded.

Merlin snapped to attention. As all eyes were on him. His mind raced for an answer. He sent a bit of the wet dirt from the ground onto Morgana's cheek. She felt it and reached up to see what had just touched her.

"She has mud on her face. I didn't want to say anything so as not to embarrass her. But it was hard not to stare at."

Arthur and Gwen had glanced at Morgana when Merlin started talking about the mud and they saw her hand wiping at her face which only seemed to smear it further.

"And that's why you were laughing," Arthur said as he tried to stifle his own laugh.

"Exactly." Merlin was pleased at this turn of events. Morgana did not look amused to have mud smeared on her face.

 _Sorry. Your fault! And to be fair I have mud all over my backside,_ and _I'm still soaking wet!_

Morgana narrowed her eyes at him as a small smile played around the corners of her mouth.

 _Besides, you look beautiful even with mud on your face._ Merlin hadn't meant to say that. He felt like clasping his hand over his mouth even though he hadn't actually spoken aloud. But instead he stood as tall as he could and stared at her with the most confidant expression he could manage. Of course within moments he found himself getting lost in her… she truly was beautiful…

"Morgana," Arthur said. "You had better wipe all that mud off or you will have Merlin staring at you for the whole ride home!"

Merlin quickly averted his eyes from her and vowed that he would not look at her for the rest of the way back!

That night Merlin lay wide awake in his bed.

 _Merlin…_

Merlin's breath caught in his throat at the sound of Morgana's voice in his head. He felt like he was starting to go a little crazy with all the different emotions she caused in him and he felt he needed a break from them. But how to impart that to Morgana in the right way? He decided to just be honest. _I don't know how much longer I can do this._ He really wasn't sure how much more he could take before truly going insane. She was silent for a time. _Morgana?_ Uh oh, he thought. _I only mean that these past few days I have felt like a ball being kicked back and forth…_ he winced, that didn't sound right! _I am not experienced in... relationships._

 _And you think I am?!_ She sounded hurt. _I have only ever_ been _with one man!_

Merlin found himself feeling jealous to think of her with someone else. Thoughts raced past his mind of how they might have met, what had their first kiss had been like? Had she… loved him? _Who was it,_ he dared to ask. He really hoped it wasn't Arthur. That would just be… wrong.

 _The Sarrum._

Merlin flung himself out of bed and ran as fast as he could to her room. He knocked on her door but then opened it without waiting for an answer. "I'm sorry," he said, a bit winded. "I'm an idiot!"

Morgana looked surprised to see that he had raced to her room. She stood up and walked to stand a little closer to him.

Merlin's breathing had started to slow down to normal but as she drew near he felt his heart speeding up. "I only meant to say that I have no experience with any of this. I feel all these feelings, _terror_ being one of them. Not of you. It's more that I'm scared because I don't know how you feel…." She didn't reply so he decided to keep sharing his thoughts and feelings. "I think about you all the time! I like you so much."

Morgana's expression had been neutral as he spoke. Then she looked a little fearful right before she responded. "I feel the same way." She gave a small helpless smile.

Merlin's face split into a grin. "Truly?"

Morgana beamed back at him and nodded her head.

Merlin cleared the distance between them and wrapped her into a joyful hug. She clung onto him tightly.

 _But I'm scared too. I have never known happiness. I fear if I allow myself to feel it now that it will just be ripped away from me!_

Merlin stroked her hair soothingly and she buried her head against his shoulder. "I won't let that happen," he vowed. His lips pressed onto the top of her head.

Morgana lifted her head off his chest. They stared deeply into each other's eyes. Then Merlin bent in slowly for a tender kiss. He knew in that moment that he was lost in love for her. When he looked back into her eyes he wondered what he had ever been so worried about. Everything felt terribly simple to him now. They smiled at each other.

Merlin knew he had best leave her bedchambers. "I'm sorry that I burst in here."

"I'm glad you did." She rewarded him with an even bigger smile.

"I think I should go back to my own room now." He gave her a wistful look, almost hoping she would insist that he stay. But she only nodded her agreement. "Until tomorrow then," he said with a grin. He wanted to kiss her again but he knew it was wise to leave as soon as possible. He felt like his legs were much heavier than normal as he slowly walked from her room.

Gwaine had just returned to Camelot when he heard about Gaius. His first thought was to go check on his best friend Merlin and make sure he was all right. He hadn't seen Merlin in over a week. Not since they had returned from rescuing the queen, because as soon as they had returned, he had been sent out again with some knights on another matter. When he rounded the last corner to Merlin's room, Gwaine stopped dead in his tracks. He saw Merlin, and beside him was the creature that still haunted his nightmares. Morgana Pendragon. He wondered how this could be possible. Then he was _sure_ he must be dreaming because he saw Merlin lean in close to the beast and brush his lips against hers! Gwaine must have shifted and made a noise because they both turned to look in his direction. Merlin nervously ruffled his hand through his hair. Morgana looked uneasy and turned and left. Gwaine stood rooted to the spot. Merlin approached him.

"Gwaine… I can guess what you might be thinking."

Gwaine shook his head in disbelief. "I don't know that you can."

"A lot has happened these past couple of days. Morgana… she has changed."

"How the hell is she even _alive_?" Gwaine demanded loudly.

"It's a long story."

"Merlin… how could you… how could you _be_ with her? After all she has done. Against the kingdom… against me!"

Merlin didn't have an answer. He knew it was insane when you thought about it from that perspective. But didn't everyone deserve a second chance? "She's changed," Merlin repeated.

"No way that's true! How could you be so blind?"

"I know this is hard for you…"

" _No_. I thought you were my friend. You _know_ all the things she did to me."

Merlin wished that Gwaine hadn't walked up to see them together. He feared there was no reasoning with him and now Gwaine was making him feel guilty about loving her. Maybe it _was_ wrong. Maybe neither one of them deserved happiness. "I don't know what to say," Merlin admitted miserably.

"Does Arthur know?"

"About me and Morgana?"

"That she is here!"

"Oh… yeah." Merlin let out a relieved breath. He had no idea how Arthur would take the news of their budding romance and he wasn't ready to find out.

Gwaine was glaring at him. "I cannot stay here another moment. Goodbye Merlin. I would say it's been nice knowing you but I fear I don't know you at all." With that Gwaine turned on his heels and stormed off.

Gwaine's first instinct was to go find Morgana and put a sword through her gut. But he and Percival had already tried that once and had come to find that because she was a high priestess that meant she was pretty much invincible. Which would explain why she was back… again. Would she ever just _die_? There had to be a way! Gwaine decided that he would devote his life to finding that way and ridding the world of Morgana Pendragon once and for all.


End file.
